bring back breasts!
breasts are your freinds!

As the Emmys, Oscars? Grammies? Tony's? As the celebrities flowed across my television set, sparkling in low cut gowns, Tucked and coifed, courtiered in collections of the finest clothing, jewels and shoes money does not buy, I had but one thought. Bring back the breast, please. No one who is deemed fashionable seems to have them, except Halle Berry, who can do no wrong and Vin Diesel, whose magnificent pecks don't count.

Mariska Hargitay has a bust, but I didn't see her on the red carpet. Misca Barton got massive kudos for her style, but I'm sure those nipples never even came in contact with her gown. And The million dollar baby? Why do you think she wore a gown cut to the cleft of her butt? To draw attention to her beautiful back and away from her lack up top. Even pregnant Jennifer Garner managed to not have a bust bulge, and Eva Longoria had all the cleavage of an Egyptian tomb painting. Being fair, Nicollette Sheridan must be a massive B cup, oh the horrors of over development. Felicity Huffman is so amazing, she is forgiven for her 28 AAAA cup.

Why? Why flat chests? Are they easier to dress? Do gowns hang nicer with no lumps in front? Is it because I have breasts that they are out of style? Breasts have been discriminated against during my entire life. When I purchased a wedding dress, I had to purchase a size 12 and have it cut down to a 6 from the waist down. Other wise there was no room for my upper endowments. And that is the story of my entire clothing life, I had to learn to sew in self defense, those alteration costs kill me.

I thought breasts were a drool factor for men, you'd think by the sheer numbers of women getting implants that breasts were making a showing at last. I get jeans that fit my hips, but I have to take them in several inches so that they fit my waist. Bring back the butt too! J. Lo butts are beautiful.

What is the preoccupation with size 0, 32 AAA cup, models? Are we so fixated on youth that any sign of maturity is to be immediately dieted away? Sara Michelle Geller used to have breasts, but not any more. Helen Hunt once had breasts as did Jennifer Anniston, where did they go? Are breasts being abducted by aliens? Is this pay back for the years that full figures were in? Paula Abdul has breasts. But reviewer Caryn Midler Said "Bad judgment: American Idol's Abdul could benefit from a little more material to complete her Grecian-style gown – and contain herself." Yeah, I hated the dress too, but her bust was quite upstanding.

I don't know, I just wish breasts were in. Then I could buy my size and fit my bits in. And maybe the flat chested sales girls wearing the miracle bras at Victoria's Secret would stop laughing at me when I ask for pretty undies in my size. They always trot out those miserable under-wire things with 6 hooks and all the appeal of a pair of white cotton bloomers that aunt Pearl wore.